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Three Reasons Comparing Yourself is Killing Your spirit

Ever have days that you are just all in your head? Experts believe we think somewhere between 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts per days. That averages out to be 2,500 to 3,300 per hour. Studies show that 85% of those thoughts are negative. Those negative thoughts wear different hats and take on different characteristics. But they are often somewhere between overthinking: putting yourself down, fearing unknowns, trying to please others and just flat-out, not feeling good enough.

I had a recent episode with my head. My trigger started here: online. I was trolling around on “socials” and came across another faith-based business leader who was better than me. Or so I assumed by her highlight reel post. Of course there are better leaders with great skill and incredible influence. There will always be someone further ahead of you in life, family, faith and business. But on this day, when I stumbled upon her beautiful post carefully crafted with meaningful words of inspiration and what seemed like hundreds of others engaging in her story my heart sank. What feeling came with it? These three.

The three reasons that comparison is killing your spirit.


1. Fear

The fear immediately connected me to a sense of worthlessness and insignificance. Fear that led straight to self-bullying. Chatter in my head began that said, “You’ll never be good

Enough”, “Who do you think you are?” “What do you really have to say anyway?” “Nobody cares. You’re kidding yourself.”

Has this ever happened to you? Do you troll and compare? Do you envy someone else’s success or long for a life that seems greater than yours? Comparison is an ugly thug that gut-punches with feelings of rejection. Comparison launches us toward anger rooted in jealousy. And jealousy oozes from deep within. It stows away in the heart. It’s contagion feeds on fear, competition and self-protection. And today I came down with a bad case of it. It started with wanting someone else's success and led to feeling ugly, uninvited and a complete failure.

2. Self-doubt

My emotions drove me all over the place, white-knuckled by anger and self doubt. All of this came from one, measly online post. Our feelings are not facts. Yet I have allowed my emotions to linger long enough to convince my mind of a fateful story about who I am today–and the trajectory of my life for tomorrow. Whether you find yourself in this life exactly where you want to be or a longing for a bit more, comparing to others will leave you feeling defeated and alone. Our doubt leaves us longing for connection and disconnected from our hearts and minds on what really matters most.

3. Exhaustion

When you are a slave to the prison of comparing yourself to others you will have no other outcome than weary. He who began a great work will be faithful to complete it. It is only our job to listen to Jesus and do what He says. We can plant seeds, water them and the harvest and fulfillment of all of these dreams lie in the hands of an almighty God. I am exhausted and lose my life’s purpose when I start chasing after hers. You cannot control a destiny that’s already been mapped out for you. You have a calling. I have a calling. It might look different for everyone, but it is for everyone!


I wish overcoming emotion and dealing with jealousy was a one and done. I lived long enough now to know it will cycle back again. But I have a better strategy these days. I’ve invited Jesus into this process. Here, in His presence, with His power I know:


• Anything’s possible.

• I can keep my family first and still succeed in business.

• I am effective.

• What I offer is different, but it works.

• I will be misunderstood, so was Jesus.

• It’s okay if I need help.

• My becoming is more valuable than my doing.

And now I invite you, to invite Jesus into your comparative reality. In fact I invite you to take a practical step to connect with him and hear from other women who have wrestled with this too. We are not alone. At the Significant Conference you will hear powerful stories from other women who have found freedom in their spirits as they have ended the game of comparison.


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