A word loaded with emotion. A word heavy with fear, shame, mixed with desperation and doubt. A word hard to hear as a woman about her own physical health, but perhaps landing harder on the mom heart. This was the word I heard spoken over my oldest daughter last week at her annual physical health check.
That night I went to bed carrying the word with me. I finally fell asleep only to be woken up and immediately my mind raced to “overweight.” Not all wake up calls are bad. God uses the silence of the night to speak. Alone with no ability to escape my own thoughts I lean in. I’m desperate—to sleep. But also to find him in the stillness. What are you saying to me? It is in the middle of the night moment that I often hear God so clear. No noise or disruptions to drowned Him out. I know when the middle of the night is catalyzing direction. It’s not a voice of condemnation. It can be conviction. But it always brings me clarity on my next right step.
Last night God met me. My heart was overwhelmed with worry for my Addie’s health. “Overweight.” I’m a health coach—I know good habits, I understand nutrition and I have stood by and seen my sweet girl decline. I could blame COVID19, distance learning, the broken system or her genetic make-up. But obstacles have been opportunities for us the day I decided to guide others in their health. And now these obstacles have made their way into my home and at 2:00 am I made a choice.
I hear you Lord. Her future literally depends upon her physical health. This reality is truer for all of us then we may understand or even see. But for some, for Addie, her need is pressing and has increased urgency as her physical health is at risk for greater life-threatening disease.
There is a war inside my mom heart that brought burden in the middle of the night. A war to embrace my daughter exactly as she is and let her just live this one life. And then a war to guide her in habits that will serve her better but be a challenge as she lives in a structure that feel restrictive to her at first. It’s a war that causes me to dig deeper on my motives—is this about physical appearance or is it truly about physical health? And then the war to not be overcome with guilt and blame myself.
The gracious voice of God in the middle of the night gently whispered, you have what you need in your hand and it’s for her whole health. It’s for her longevity and quality of life. It’s for her energy and ability to remain active and maintain heart health. It’s for her future and her present. It’s loving to help Addie in this area of her life. This act is actually kind.
A small part of me wanted to hide this. Why share it with you, out on the blog for the internet to see? Will you judge me? Judge my daughter? Applaud my efforts or think I’m wrong? I’m sure all of the above are actually true. But I share for the other mom who is burdened by this loaded word, “overweight.” The mom who feels the shame and desperation and maybe doesn’t even know what to do. I share for her, for you. I’m here as a health coach that’s helped thousands of others overcome “overweight.” And now I’m here for Addie. And if you need me, I’m here for you too.